The Most Natural Thing in the World

Part 1 - The Challenges

Apparently, there are a lot of things that can prevent a natural and easy feeding relationship... many of which I had never heard until I was in the hospital bed with Millie on my lap. My milk was delayed in coming in, so we purchased some donor milk to bridge the gap and supplement the colostrum. Because we needed to help guide her around my pelvic bone during labor, she was disoriented in those first few days and we had to feed her with a syringe and a finger. Once she was taking the breast regularly, we also needed to help her get a deeper latch by using nipple shields (misleading name for this product - they do not “shield” from pain), which we still use for every feed, and hope to ween off in the next few weeks. She rips the shield off me 5-6 times per feeding, which is so frustrating I sometimes end up in tears, especially at 3 AM. I had no idea that so many things could go wrong in this “natural process,” so organizing my thoughts on my experience feels therapeutic during these hectic first months of motherhood.

Part 2 - The Time + Physical Toll “Living your life in 3-hour increments” was a saying I had heard before baby, but I was not in any way mentally prepared for what that meant. Feeding takes an hour+ each time when considering prep, burping, cleaning up afterwards, and the inevitable diaper change. That leaves 90-120 minutes between feeds to attempt to live a normal life. I’m lucky if I complete one non-baby related task during this time, since Millie requires a lot of other attention outside of feeding - she is OK in the bassinet or lounger but prefers to be held. Never mind “sleeping when baby sleeps,” which is a concept I don’t really understand, since literally nothing would ever get done (eating, cleaning, laundry, taking care of dogs and husband...) Keeping up milk supply is also a full time job for me right now (a bout with mastitis really decreased my production). Working with our pediatrician and a lactation consultant has helped enormously, but I’m still supplementing Millie’s diet with formula, and pumping between all feeds during the day (that means that every 60-90 minutes I have either a baby or a machine attached to my boobs...). I also didn’t know that losing the baby weight too quickly results in decreased supply... I apologize in retrospect to all the women I complimented for “looking so great” after the baby - I didn’t realize the implications of rushing to regain the pre-baby body, and that you may have been struggling to balance feeding your child and looking a certain way. Also, I’m constantly starving... FUN FACT: breastfeeding burns over 500 calories per day, and you actually need to consume more calories than during pregnancy!

Part 3 - The Pain, and Most Importantly... the Joy! I’ll keep this part about pain brief: for me, the first few weeks of breastfeeding hurt worse than my first 12+ hours of labor. It is MUCH more tolerable now, but I couldn’t believe how painful those first days were - literal tears in anticipation of every feeding. I wish I had been more prepared for that.

And I’ll end my thoughts on the most profound surprise of all... Despite all the challenges and difficulties, the joy and bonding that occurs through the nursing relationship is beyond description. The serenity and sense of purpose I feel when feeding Emilia is like nothing I’ve ever experienced. I fully believe that a fed baby is best, and that whatever feeding method is the right fit for each family should be honored. For us, that is working through the learning curve so that we can (hopefully) exclusively breastfeed soon, and continue through the first year of Millie’s life. I am also starting to appreciate, through reflection, that the challenges are bringing us even closer, because learning together is a beautiful, beautiful thing.

UPDATE!

Millie just turned one, and reflecting upon these thoughts from almost a year ago is such a blessing, I'm so glad I made the time in those early weeks to record my thoughts in between the pumping and the tears and the foggy, foggy waking moments. We never did kick the formula or the nipple shield, but we're still breastfeeding! Down to one feed per day upon waking, and it is a very special part of our daily ritual. Due to some work travel coming up, we will be weaning off of that one feed soon too, and I'm honestly dreading it, but I am SO proud of us for making it to 12 months. I remember vividly crying to my lactation consultant within the first 2 weeks of Millie's birth that I was going to give up. Thank God I was stronger than I knew.

#newmomlessons #missmilliemarie